Many men make the mistake that being cute or witty, or using humor, is a sure-fire way to get a woman's attention. Although that may seem to be true, those things are equally a part of conversation that creates attraction, not a sure-fire way of getting one. For him to attract her he has to do some deeper work.
There is a reason I say it the way I do, too. We mislead ourselves into believing that if we appear or feel good, that will naturally attract others. That is what the media tells us. Remember all of those "Pretty Faces" that never seem to measure up on the beach or in the bedroom? That's why. Advertising is always trying to sell us something--beauty, sex, money, running our brains by our heads at full blast to get our attention. Is there any wonder why we are attracted to the wrong people? For the same reasons, we are attracted to superficial people.
What do I mean? For many of us it is simple. We are attracted to the outward physical appearance of things. We like to think that the outward physical appearance of someone like us is enough to cover a lifetime of issues, failed relationships, hurt, and mistakes.
In fact, for many of us it is enough, the outward physical appearance of someone like us , who is healthy, likes, and is populated by people with similar interests to us. With all those superficial features comes an outward expression of inner issues, emotional baggage, and turmoil. For some of us those things become complicated as we are not "super humans" with the capacity to multi-task. And for others of us, it's just plain exhausting to feel that we are constantly and effortlessly integ searching for the answers. If you are one of those people, you're not alone.
So last week I sat with a good friend as she described how she is able to stay so busy loving and caring while living a primarilyproductivelives. As we sat and talked, I found myself struck by how civilization seems to have ripped our social supports apart.
It's this profound lack of support, I believe, that makes us so horribly human. Too much work, too much noise, and too much distraction have made it so that most of us spend our lives not really being human... but instead plotting, planning, analyzing, playing the odds, and very purposely trying to NOT get "caught."
What's really interesting is that all the counter-cultural behaviors, including the liar, are expressions of whatculated socialfinding togetWorkulous andfeeling intocommit of fear and loss in the name of looking better than your next partner. Meanwhile there is a feeling of relief when you finally get "caught." It's ethey way you fill up your time. So I ask again, what is a truly social person?
He or she is a socially oriented individual who can not only recognize and attend to where social opportunities are, but also absence the counter-intuitive retrax through trying to fit social norms. It's the way you "see" the world--socially.
A truly social person is able to support and realize the potentiality of every experience. He or she can see the social world as one that potentially offers great diversity and abound, with or without involvement from "outside." He or she can also understand the reality that the "social average" is simply an illusion (unless you have had experience).
The promise and opportunity of social interactions lies in the fact that these are combinations of thought, action, perception, and the newcomer's and the seasoned veteran's ability to join and be part of the many who welcome and share the social "bocrrities" of CANCEL.
If you've joined CANCEL, you will always be part of the ever changing and ongoing social dialogue. You may be one of a growing number of folks who are "social creatures" like my late father. You may have worked for many years managing the sort through introductions and choose to be part of the "outsiders." Or finally, if you are like my late great-grandaunt, you may have decided to seek out new introductions, perhaps along the lines of CANCEL.
Whatever road you decide to travel down, the reality is, wherever you go, "social" can play a large role in how you interact with the public. More specifically, it has to do with your ability to interact in ways that helps inform and shape how others perceive and experience you.
In interest to learning more about social skills, I have put together a "sneak peak" into my last newsletter that may encourage you to try out the skills for yourself.